Random McRandomness

First off, before I even apologize for not blogging as often as I used to, let me say that stupid Blogger just ate the entire post I had just written. And it was a long one too. Full of wit and sarcasm. Shit, now I have to try to recreate that. Great.

Here's some random poo just for you since I haven't blogged that much lately.


Random poo numero uno:

My doc has me on a low dose antidepressant for these headaches I've been getting everyday. I don't like it. Not at all. First, it's not doing a damn thing for these headaches. I'm still getting them just about everyday and some days they are almost unbearable. The med she gave me to take when I get a headache doesn't work either. Second, they make me irritable. And that really sucks. Plus they've got me all scatterbrained. I've been stumbling over my words a lot lately and I've been acting like a crackhead. (You don't want to know how many times I've had to erase words or sentences already and I'm not nearly done with this post.)


File this one under Tales from the Workplace:

I seriously wonder about some, if not most, of the people that work here. Right behind our building is a ditch. This ditch fills up with water when it rains, like just about every ditch does, and it is home to quite a few snakes. This is normally something you are warned about when you come to work here because every spring/summer they will see at least two snakes on the property. Okay, so let me tell you about something that happened this morning.

Boss Man was on the phone and his other line started to ring. Me being the good little Admin Assistant that I am, I answered it. On the other end was someone we'll call Linda.

Linda: Hey, is Boss Man around?
Me: He's on the other line. Can I take a message?
Linda: Well, I hate to complain but I hear them out there with the mowers and Boss Man needs to get over there and unlock the gate to the patio (it's the smokers' normal hang out behind the building) so that they can mow there. We're going to get snakes.
Me: I'll give him the message.

Boss Man got off the phone and I gave him the message. His response to me was that he didn't have the key but he would contact the person who does. He called that person and left him a message and we went about our business. Not even two minutes later Linda came flying into Boss Man's office and said "You need to go unlock that gate so that they can mow around the patio." He told her the same thing he told me and she left. Not even two minutes after that, Boss Man got a call from Big Boss Lady (his boss) saying that Linda had called her and told her the same thing. Some people.


It's time to give a shout out and a big congratulations to...

Jen and Chris. They found out this week that they will adding another little ruffian to their family. He should be making his appearance sometime in July. Yay!! I was waiting until they found out the gender of their little person before I started shopping for baby gifts. Bananer will tell you how much I like shopping for baby gifts. : )


I leave you with this....

Be jealous. Be very, very jealous. Bananer and I are heading down to Mobile tonight so that we can be some of the first people to board our cruise ship tomorrow. Yep, we're heading out on an extended weekend courtesy of the Carnival Cruise ship Holiday. Woohoo!!!!

Tales from the Workplace 12/05/06 Edition

My department has a big Staff Conference going on in another town this week. It started yesterday and ends tomorrow. I, like everyone else in my little office, decided not to go. I haven't been to one of these conferences in the 3 (almost 4) years that I've worked here. I really haven't seen the point in going, other than not having to do any work (and it's not like I do a whole lot lately anyways because this is the time of the year when my workload slows down), so I always skip it. Sure, it would be nice to meet some of these people from the other offices across the state that I only know through phone calls and emails but that's not enough incentive for me to sit through boring speakers that talk about things that don't pertain to me and my job.

So, since I decided to skip it again this year I got stuck with switchboard relief duty today. No biggie really. I only had to sit up there for 15 minutes this morning and 15 minutes this afternoon so that the person that's covering it for the regular receptionist, who did go to the conference, can pee and whatnot. Sounds like a piece of cake right? I mean it normally is. You sit up there, answer the phone, transfer the caller to the person they need to speak with and voila! Yeah, well I wasn't quite prepared for GhettoFest 2006 this morning so my normal piece of cake switchboard duty turned into a case of "What the hell is she thinking?!"

I got up there this morning and the chick was playing a local rap station through the computer. See, we're not allowed to listen to streaming music on our work computers because it slows down the department's servers. We're not allowed to watch video either. Even if it is important news videos. Like the coverage of Susy Q winning Miss Hole in the Wall 2006 (yes folks, that is important news around here). So, not only was she listening to rap music at the switchboard, which to me is very unprofessional and tacky, she was listening to it through the website. You can only imagine how irritated I was when the song would pause to buffer and then start playing again only to buffer for 30 more seconds.

Then...when I went back up there this afternoon she was on a personal call on the switchboard phone. Not a "Hey...your child is sick, come get them" kind of call either. Again, very unprofessional if you ask me. What if some bigwig came walking in and heard her talking about sister girl's baby daddy's cousin who shot the drug dealer because he really needed that crack rock so that he could sell it to pay his child support?! Yeah...not very good.

Okay...let me add this...I have nothing against this chick. I really don't know her. I had only talked to her one time before today and that was to tell her where to sign for her card key to the building. So..this is not a personal attack against her or anything like that. And I'm sure that phone call was not about sister girl's baby daddy's cousin who shot the drug dealer.

Just for Bananer...

Wow...look at that...I said goodbye and I got dragged back for an encore. Bananer commented that I have some great work stories I could blog about so I felt like I should share this one with you.

I went outside on my break this afternoon and I could smell a horrible smell coming out of the door to the other building. One of the chicks who's office is right inside the door stuck her head out and said that they couldn't figure out where it was coming from. It smelled like cheap weave burning (I know what that smells like because this chick I knew in Jr. High lit her's on fire one day just for the shits and giggles). I came back in and sent my boss man to investigate.

He came back to our office shaking his head muttering something about people over there being idiots. This is nothing new but my coworker and I felt like a good laugh so we asked him if he found the smell. He said yes and that we would never believe where it was coming from. Some chick in our Accounting section had plugged her space heater (why she needed her space heater since it's the end of November and 70 degrees outside I don't know. I mean people are walking around in shorts and tshirts right now.) into the power cord for her computer (which boss man and our computer services people are always saying not to do). The damn plug caught on fire. Burned it right up. Come to find out she didn't even know it was on fire until she heard the sizzling noise.

Now let me tell you this...my coworker had walked over to the other building during her lunch break (between 11:30 and 12:00) and could smell something funky. My boss man found the burned up plug around 2:45 - 3:00. These people were sitting there smelling the burning plastic for hours and nobody said anything. Great huh?

This is why I hate going to the movies on a Friday night.

I can not stand the freakin teeny boppers. I always have to stop and wonder "Was I this annoying when I was that age?!" They are loud, rude and just plain out annoying. And it's not just at the movies. I can't stand going to the mall most of the time because of the teeny boppers. Don't think that going during a week day will help you avoid them either. Not in this town. It's like I have some kind of inner magnet for teeny boppers. The more I try to avoid them the more I see them.

This bothers me a little because I don't know why my dislike for them is so strong. I don't want to be this way but it's like the few times that I try to like them get overrun by their utter lack of disrepect for their elders.

Now, before anybody starts thinking that I am a horrible person that dislikes all teeny boppers let me say that their not all bad. I just can't stand the ones that are loud, rude and annoying. I mean come on, if you see that you're standing in front of the paper towels and somebody needs to dry their hands...move. Don't just stand there and continue chatting with your friends. And if you see that your friend is standing in front of the paper towels and somebody needs to dry their hands...tell your friend to move. And after you move out of the way of the paper towels don't stand in front of the door.

Maybe I should just not go to the movies on a Friday night. Eh....maybe not.

Victoria's Secret Model?!

There are times that I wish I had a camera. Oh wait...I have a camera phone. Duh! Well, there are times that I wish I had the brains to remember that I have a camera phone. This post doesn't seem right without the picture so I'll just say this....some people should never be allowed to leave their house. What makes some people think that they can wear skimpy clothing with their stretch mark laden beer belly hanging out? Come one now....Victoria's Secret Model?! More like poster child for Streetwalkers R Us.

Okay, okay...I'll try to describe this the best I can. You'll have to use your imagination. If it makes you sick just thinking about be glad that you weren't there to actually see it. Here goes....

Queen of the Nasty had what appeared to be a napkin attempting to be a skirt wrapped around her hips. No lie...this thing was barely 2" long at the longest point. Under this feeble attempt for a skirt was more than likely two strands of dental floss. I'm glad I didn't actually see that part but I could only imagine (I didn't want to...but it happened). She paired this with a black bra that seemed a little too normal for this outfit. Now that I think about (shuddering at the mere thought of it) I'm surprised she didn't have the girls hanging out more. Are you starting to see the mental image? She topped off the outfit with black fairy wings and black fishnet thigh highs that were so tight her legs looked like sausages bursting open on the grill. I know, I know, right now you're thinking that it sounds like nothing was wrong with this outfit and she was probably hot as all get out and I'm just jealous. Well, this would be true if her body was fit and toned. The flab and stretch marks just killed it man. Totally killed it. I really wish I had a picture to post for you so you would see exactly what I'm talking about but no, I forgot about that damn camera phone again.

People...please....think twice before leaving your house looking like you belong on the cover of the Girls Gone Wild:Working Girls DVD.

First idiotic comment of the day...

I'm sure SFB will make many more stupid comments today but I thought I would share the first one with you all.

One of our other coworkers just came in to show me a bite he just got on his arm. He said that he was just sitting in his chair and something bit him. The bite has now swollen to the size of a golf ball and is red. I can't tell what it is because I'm not a doctor. I asked him if it itched thinking that it might be a mosquito bite or something. He said a little bit but it hurt for the first five minutes or so. I gave him an alcohol pad and told him to wipe it down to make sure the area was clean. He said okay and went about his merry way. There's really not a whole lot I can do for him because, as I said before, I am not a doctor.

One his way to his desk he walked by SFB. SFB said "What are you talking about?" and he showed him his bite. SFB said "It looks like a spider bite." So the coworker said okay and kept on walking. SFB then said "Just hope it's not a Brown Recluse." So coworker said "That's nice" and kept walking. SFB then said "Trust me, if it was a Brown Recluse you would know. It would really hurt. I have seen some some jumping spiders around here though."

Seriously.....did he need you to put that fear in his head that he might have been bit by a Brown Recluse?! And where did you get your medical degree from?

Goodness people.

Lessons learned

I learned something this weekend while "assisting" the boyfriend with his DJ gig.

1) I'm not built for all nighters anymore. I was so ready to go home around 12 and we had to be there until at least 5. Thank goodness we just lounged around the house yesterday.

2) I'm seriously and utterly disgusted by the way chicks dance nowadays. Sure, I'll shake my ass and "grind" when I'm in the mood to dance but this one chick up there Friday night was downright distasteful. I swear if she didn't have clothes on it would have been porn.

3) Bars have now turned into portrait studios. Yes, it's one thing to take your camera with you when you're out with your peeps so that you can snap a few photos. I even recommend this if you are out celebrating a birthday or an engagement or whatnot. I do not think that you should feel you have free reign to snap a gazillion photos of complete strangers. Seriously, what are you going to do with those photos?

4) My glasses make me look sophisticated. Yep, the afore mentioned photo snapper told me that he wanted a photo of me because of my glasses. He said they make me look sophisticated like a librarian.

5) Some people just don't get the point. Psycho graced us with the presence of her skank ass both Friday and Saturday night. You would think that she would get the point that the more she does this the more it makes me want to get that lovely restraining order out on her.

6) There's a reason why I don't hang out with some people anymore. I was reminded of how much I've changed in the last couple of years when I talked to someone I used to hang out with back in my clubbin days. This person hasn't changed a bit in the past 5 years and it's sad. It's sad that he also could not grasp the idea that I'm not the same clubbin chick from back then.

7) The boyfriend is the absolute sweetest. He managed to buy me a rose from the "Rose Lady" while I was sitting right there next to him. I was playing a game on my cell phone and was totally oblivious to what was going on. Next thing I know he's sticking a rose in my face. Don't know why he bought it for me but it sure was sweet.

8) Sunglasses and toothpicks are now considered accessories. The same guy has come in there every weekend chomping on a toothpick like his life depended on it. Don't know what that was all about. And seriously people, it's 4am, you're in a dark bar....you do not need your sunglasses on your head.

Stupid people.....

I finally got to check my Myspace last night after a month long absence. I had several friend requests and messages. It's amazing what happens when you don't check it for awhile.

I had a friend request from some chick in a neighboring town. I didn't know who she was and couldn't figure it out from the one picture of herself she had on her page. I was just about to deny the request because it's about time I start to weed out the 116 friends I have on there when I saw that she had the boyfriend and another friend of mine on her page. I asked the boyfriend if he knew who she was and he said no. Of course I asked why he added her if he didn't know who she was and he was all "I dunno." Well, I decided to add her so that we could figure out who she was later. I thought that maybe she saw us out somewhere or knew us through mutual friends. I then hopped over to the boyfriend's page to leave a comment since he left one for me and guess what I found on his page. A comment from that chick saying.........I'm new to town. Can you give me directions to your apartment?

Yep......she posted a lame ass pick up line on the boyfriend's page. Normally stuff like that doesn't bother me but this one did for some reason. I think I'm traumatized by my internet stalker. How can you post something like that after it flat out says that the person is in a relationship and they have comments from their significant other on their page talking about how much they love them?

Not only did he got that but I got a message from a guy from my past telling me that I look great now and asking what I was up to. Oh, there was that other message from that local band too saying that they hoped I would come out to see them play because I was cute.

HELLO?!?! I'm in a RELATIONSHIP! I'm HAPPY in my relationship. Geez people!! Learn to read!!!

*************************************************************************************

Big Brother was good and bad last night. I had cheated the other day and read some of the live feeds. I already knew who was going to win the veto and who was going up in their place. It was still good to watch so that I could see everyone's reactions.

Dani and James had hatched this plan to put James up as the pawn against Janey because Dani said that she needed the "Veto King" to compete because he was the only one that stood a chance of beating Janey. They were hoping to have Will and Boogey compete as well because they thought that they would fight to keep Janey from winning as well. It turns out that Will and Boogey did get to play. If I didn't already know that Janey was going to win the veto I would have been nervous.

After Janey whopped ass and won the veto Dani put up.......Kaysar. Yep...she put up the Iraqi Peach. That was disappointing. I can understand why she did it but I hate to think about him leaving this week.

I think that Kaysar's going to be able to spin the votes in his favor but it will be tough. It's going to be interesting to watch Thursday to see who gets evicted and who gets HOH.

Keep your fingers crossed that James goes home this week.