So this is what "growing up" means. I'm not so sure I like it.

Okay, so I'm having some issues today. Nothing too major....just wondering why some things turned out the way they did.

When I go home for lunch I normally check my Myspace* because I can't check it here at work. I have two people on my friends list that were really good friends of mine in High School. Well, one was my best friend in Jr. High and High School. Anywho....I think I need to back things up a bit and tell you all some background info. I apologize in advance because this post may become long and winded.

My parents decided to move buy a house the summer before I started 7th grade because they did not want me to go to the Jr. High that I was zoned for**. I didn't take the time to meet anybody in the neighborhood that summer because I was too busy sitting inside being the shy, couch potato that I was back then. The first day of school I remember being the most nervous I have ever been up to that point in my life. When the school bus pulled up in front of my house I remember thinking "What if nobody likes me?" The bus doors opened, I climbed up the steps and saw her, the girl that would become one of my best friends at the time and the only "best friend"*** I have left, CB. She said "Hi!" and I think I managed a meek smile. I sat down in the seat across the aisle from her and we talked a little bit on the way to school.

When we got to the school CB introduced me to KB and said that they knew each other from elementary school. KB lived in our neighborhood too but her parents had dropped her off at school that day.

The three of us were inseparable all of 7th and 8th grade. We hung out at each other's houses after school and had the usual slumber parties just about every weekend. The only time we didn't hang out with each other was when the occasional girl fights would come up. We always managed to forgive each other and all was good in our world.

CB was the innocent one that still thought you could get pregnant from kissing until she met me. KB was not so innocent but had her parents believing she was a perfect angel. I was the one who grew up watching whatever I wanted on TV and hearing my family use the colorful language that I'm still fond of to this day. The three of us made great friends because we "meshed well together".

In 9th grade KB got accepted to a new magnet school in town but we still kept in touch after school and on the weekends. We all started to hang out with other people outside of our circle but we still remained very close friends.

High school started and the three of us went in together holding our heads somewhat high because we had each other for support. Junior year brought the addition of CM to our group and we found ourselves starting to spend our time apart more. Some weekends it would be me and CB and hanging out somewhere while KB and CM sat home watching KB's little brother. Other weekends would be me and KB out somewhere while CM and CB hung out at CB's crush's house. Things were still good though because CM was a perfect mix to our group.

Things started to change Senior year. CM and KB started to spend more time together just the two of them and CB and I started to spend more time together just the two of us. CB went through a wild streak that year and once she discovered that she could party with me we spent every weekend doing so. I think CM and KB started to look down on us because they "weren't into that yet". Yeah...good excuse.****

After graduation CM and KB both headed off to school. CB never had any intentions in going and I attempted to but hanging out with her instead of going to class was too tempting for me. This is when CM and KB pretty much stopped talking to us. We were both pretty upset about it but decided that if they thought they were too good to hang out with us we were too good to care. We both carried this attitude for awhile and mine started to fade away. I've never really been one to hold a grudge and I missed the fun times I had with KB and CM. There were things that KB and I would find funny that nobody else would and I wanted that back.

I tried and tried to extend that hand of friendship to them and for awhile it seemed like maybe, just maybe, they were willing to be friends again. I've come to realize now that it's just not going to happen.

Looking at my Myspace today and seeing both CM and KB's profiles I felt a twinge of sadness. Sadness over the friends that I lost and the fact that it's because we've all grown up. They've both done the college thing and CB and I haven't. CB and I each have a child and they don't. Unfortunately for our friendship life has thrown us each different curves and we've drifted apart. Why didn't somebody tell me this was going to happen? If I had known that I would have tried harder to hang on to them. I would have told them then what their friendship really meant to me.

In the words of Aaron Karo....Fuck me.

*Yes, I have one of those dreaded Myspace accounts. And yes, I do know almost every single one of those 101 people on my friends list. There are only 1 or 2 that I don't know and that's because one's a band and the other one is tshirthell.com.

**Unfortunately for my sister her experience there was the reason my parents didn't want me to go there.

***I still consider her my "best friend" because we've known each so long and have been through a lot together but we're starting to drift apart too. I think Bananer is my best friend now. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.

****KB would drink her parents Peach Schnapps when they weren't home and she got seriously pie faced on our Senior Cruise. Uh huh....I was the bad one...yeah right. Sometimes I'd like to call her parents up and say "Remember when you told her she couldn't hang out with me and CB because we were bad influences? Yeah...your perfect little angel was drinking your Peach Schnapps and hiding boys in her room."