Thursday, November 09, 2006

So this is what "growing up" means. I'm not so sure I like it.

Okay, so I'm having some issues today. Nothing too major....just wondering why some things turned out the way they did.

When I go home for lunch I normally check my Myspace* because I can't check it here at work. I have two people on my friends list that were really good friends of mine in High School. Well, one was my best friend in Jr. High and High School. Anywho....I think I need to back things up a bit and tell you all some background info. I apologize in advance because this post may become long and winded.

My parents decided to move buy a house the summer before I started 7th grade because they did not want me to go to the Jr. High that I was zoned for**. I didn't take the time to meet anybody in the neighborhood that summer because I was too busy sitting inside being the shy, couch potato that I was back then. The first day of school I remember being the most nervous I have ever been up to that point in my life. When the school bus pulled up in front of my house I remember thinking "What if nobody likes me?" The bus doors opened, I climbed up the steps and saw her, the girl that would become one of my best friends at the time and the only "best friend"*** I have left, CB. She said "Hi!" and I think I managed a meek smile. I sat down in the seat across the aisle from her and we talked a little bit on the way to school.

When we got to the school CB introduced me to KB and said that they knew each other from elementary school. KB lived in our neighborhood too but her parents had dropped her off at school that day.

The three of us were inseparable all of 7th and 8th grade. We hung out at each other's houses after school and had the usual slumber parties just about every weekend. The only time we didn't hang out with each other was when the occasional girl fights would come up. We always managed to forgive each other and all was good in our world.

CB was the innocent one that still thought you could get pregnant from kissing until she met me. KB was not so innocent but had her parents believing she was a perfect angel. I was the one who grew up watching whatever I wanted on TV and hearing my family use the colorful language that I'm still fond of to this day. The three of us made great friends because we "meshed well together".

In 9th grade KB got accepted to a new magnet school in town but we still kept in touch after school and on the weekends. We all started to hang out with other people outside of our circle but we still remained very close friends.

High school started and the three of us went in together holding our heads somewhat high because we had each other for support. Junior year brought the addition of CM to our group and we found ourselves starting to spend our time apart more. Some weekends it would be me and CB and hanging out somewhere while KB and CM sat home watching KB's little brother. Other weekends would be me and KB out somewhere while CM and CB hung out at CB's crush's house. Things were still good though because CM was a perfect mix to our group.

Things started to change Senior year. CM and KB started to spend more time together just the two of them and CB and I started to spend more time together just the two of us. CB went through a wild streak that year and once she discovered that she could party with me we spent every weekend doing so. I think CM and KB started to look down on us because they "weren't into that yet". Yeah...good excuse.****

After graduation CM and KB both headed off to school. CB never had any intentions in going and I attempted to but hanging out with her instead of going to class was too tempting for me. This is when CM and KB pretty much stopped talking to us. We were both pretty upset about it but decided that if they thought they were too good to hang out with us we were too good to care. We both carried this attitude for awhile and mine started to fade away. I've never really been one to hold a grudge and I missed the fun times I had with KB and CM. There were things that KB and I would find funny that nobody else would and I wanted that back.

I tried and tried to extend that hand of friendship to them and for awhile it seemed like maybe, just maybe, they were willing to be friends again. I've come to realize now that it's just not going to happen.

Looking at my Myspace today and seeing both CM and KB's profiles I felt a twinge of sadness. Sadness over the friends that I lost and the fact that it's because we've all grown up. They've both done the college thing and CB and I haven't. CB and I each have a child and they don't. Unfortunately for our friendship life has thrown us each different curves and we've drifted apart. Why didn't somebody tell me this was going to happen? If I had known that I would have tried harder to hang on to them. I would have told them then what their friendship really meant to me.

In the words of Aaron Karo....Fuck me.

*Yes, I have one of those dreaded Myspace accounts. And yes, I do know almost every single one of those 101 people on my friends list. There are only 1 or 2 that I don't know and that's because one's a band and the other one is

**Unfortunately for my sister her experience there was the reason my parents didn't want me to go there.

***I still consider her my "best friend" because we've known each so long and have been through a lot together but we're starting to drift apart too. I think Bananer is my best friend now. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.

****KB would drink her parents Peach Schnapps when they weren't home and she got seriously pie faced on our Senior Cruise. Uh huh....I was the bad one...yeah right. Sometimes I'd like to call her parents up and say "Remember when you told her she couldn't hang out with me and CB because we were bad influences? Yeah...your perfect little angel was drinking your Peach Schnapps and hiding boys in her room."


Tanner said...

I can appreciate you feeling like you could have done more, but look at where you're going, and where your friends are, as a new start. You can still be friends, but you have to follow your own dreams and live your own lives. Priorities and new found friends and loves are purely what life brings you. I for one, am glad that I've moved on from some friendships. I am extremely happy to maintain others. I'm blessed and truly happy that I met you here later in my life as opposed to earlier on. Life will always evolve.

Keep up the writing though...very good. :)

KB said...

ok. now that i know how you really feel...sometimes i miss you too. we were so close for such a long time and i loved that. i really had a best friend that i could tell everything to, and so did you. it was nice. but it all started to fall apart our junior year and we never really got it back. you and cristyn had your wild phase, and i had no interest in sex and drugs (notice i didn't say alcohol!). when we drifted apart, that is when me and christina came together. i can't honestly say i regret it b/c we were on the same path, just like you and cristyn were on yours. i honestly think things worked out for the best. we just lost interest in each other (that really sounds like we were a couple!). ok, how about our interests changed. that's not neccessarily a bad thing. we are each happy and busy with our own lives. i didn't like it when you and cristyn started partying all the time b/c it didn't leave any time for boring me who just wanted to go to dinner and a movie with her best friends. so i found new friends. actually, just friend...christina. so i was sad when it fell apart, but it could never be what it was before. that doesn't mean i don't miss the good times.

and by the way...can you blame me for the peach schnapps?? i mean, it is the bomb. and david has already beat you to it...his big fat mouth told my parents about your mom's parties. loser. that was back when he was trying to marry me...i guess he thought he missed out in high school. funny how things turn out, huh? but he married somebody else so that's good. and when did i ever hide boys in my room?? i do recall YOU were the one with the boy smuggling action?!? I was the drunkard. oh and the cruise thing?? weren't you the one making out with the chaperone? and who was right there with me getting "absolutely pie faced"??? MY BEST FRIEND!! that would be you. haha! remember the next day when the thought of alcohol made us want to ralph?? lmao...i still have days like those...gag.

Anonymous said...

cm says...
Hey Crystal, so I dont even know if yo will see this considering it's a month old now...anyhoo...when I lost touch with you and CB after high school it wasnt because I thought I was better than life was just on a different track. I never thought myself as better than anyone...besides you've seen me a few times since those glorious high school days and should know that's not the case ;) As far as CB I dont know what to say or do about her. She seems to hold a grudge against KB(haha...i feel like we need code names) and me but I'm always willing and ready to be a friend when she is. Plus you've seen me this past year (remember Jamie?) and know that Im always willing to hang out when ya'll are in town... But I did have fun with ya'll in high school. Being around you and Cristyn really helped me "come out of the shell" more and I owe that and my crazy sense of humor to the two of you. I still mention you and CB to current friends I have made here in Auburn. I hope you know you can call whenever. CB should know that but she never does. I do miss ya'll and hope you can come up again for another random visit! We do have lot to catch up on considering you're now engaged... :)